Love-hate

My period and I aren't on speaking terms right now.

Its more like I'm yelling, its ignoring me. How fair is this? I don't have children yet, my lectures aren't supposed to be ignored.

I think our relationship was pretty normal for a while. First I was excited. Her arrival meant that I was a WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah. Of course I was 11 so this new woman status didn't even qualify me for a later bedtime. Then I started to dread it. The potential for embarassment was always there........and then there was the ordeal of buying supplies. It didn't matter if every other line was 10 people deep, shopping carts full.........I was *NOT* taking my tampons to the male checker. Hell? That was the place where you finally got a female checker only to have the cute, teenage boy walk over to bag the items.

The cramps, the bloating....it was all just too much. I'd beg my period to go and/or stay away.
Then there was college. Those times when stress or hormones or a combination made her late. I'd sit with the calendar, figure out the days, and worry that even with the pill and condoms maybe I hadn't been careful enough. And of course, THAT stress made her later. So I'd beg for her to show up.

Now, I know my period is a sign of things going right. Only, they aren't going right. Without medical help, I can go 40, 60, 90 days or more without any sign of her. Right now I'm at day 45, waiting for the medicine to kick in.

I read about women taking extra birth control pills to keep their period away. They're even talking about a new treatment program that would only have women getting their period on a quarterly basis. I know from reading about my condition that not having periods can be dangerous. That a buildup of lining can lead to cancer, infertility, endometriosis and more. These women are scaring me. They don't know what a blessing it is to get that monthly reminder that YOUR BODY IS WORKING CORRECTLY, and like I once did.......they're taking it for granted.
I'm sorry for all the years I wished it away. I'd have better spent those wishes on having my body work correctly. Meanwhile, I'm not afraid to buy tampons........I just never seem to get to.

I know I'm not done wishing her away........because soon I'm going to be trying again to get pregnant, and I'll be praying she'll stay away for the right reasons