Monday, September 29, 2008


In quiet moments without witness,

I bring out the memories of you from their hiding places.

Unwrap them slowly, stingily, looking over my shoulder.

No pictures or proof, nothing to hold

Nothing to prove you were mine, carried only for a moment.

Tests and lab slips in a drawer I can't bring myself to empty.

Secret treasures, my hopes unfulfilled

I know your stories, the dates, how old you would be when, if, how...

I've kept you to myself, scared of those who would not understand.

This lump in my throat is choking me.

I need to say you were here, you mattered, I miss you so much

I have two lovely children but there would have, could have, been four.

There was the knowing and the knowing

Had I paid less attention I might have missed you completely

Might have missed the miracles I held for far too short a time.

You deserve recognition, and names

Not just whispered when I am alone, but by dad, and others.

They should be written, announced, set in stone and immortalized.

To my littles, babies I never held, never saw, and until now rarely acknowledged; We are going to bring you to the light, share you with others.

A bench is being made with a plaque that will declare your names for others to see, recognize, and know you were here and you did change us, you did and do make a difference.

You matter.

Announcing, for the first time, Benjamin Matthew and Eleanor Claire.


Alisa said...

Beatiful names and I can really relate to your thoughts about feeling like only you will be the only one who remembers them sometimes {{{HUGS}}}

Claire said...

God bless your two precious children, here for so brief a time and taken back to the Lord, for reasons only He can know. May they know peace and happiness in the hands of God and may your heart know peace and healing.

Sheri said...

Beautiful names for beautiful and special tiny ones. Lots of love is coming your way as you give these babies a concrete presence in the living world!

hydrogeek said...

Pleased to meet you Benjamin Matthew and Eleanor Claire. You are blessed to have such a wonderful mother.

Carrie said...


Claire said...

I also wanted to tell you how honored I am by Eleanor's middle name. I don't know if I've told you that before. It's an honor and a blessing.

Stephanie said...

So beautiful!!!!