Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I don't know how I'm doing it.

In the last two weeks, we've sold a home, purchased a home, and completed a large portion of the remodeling on that home. I've had pneumonia, daily confirmation my broken foot has not healed correctly and gotten the wonderful news that I need surgery. Again.

Between the cold he just got over and the breakthrough of two new teeth, Joseph's nighttime sleep hasn't been the greatest though I'm so grateful for good naps during the day. Emily is holding her own, but I'm worried about the change of home and school for her knowing how much she loves her current school. I'm sure she'll do fine, but it's a stress for me.

I've been getting up early, approximately 5 hours after stopping work the previous day and not necessarily getting to sleep all of those hours. The bags under my eyes are almost big enough to save me a moving box and there's still so much for us to do before move in. Today I painted the kitchen (minus the cabinets - there's just not enough time to do that right now).

Tomorrow is shaping up to be insane with the following on the schedule:
-Get Emily off to school
-Buy more ceiling and trim paint, exchange a light fixture for one NOT missing several components
-Meet with the phone installer
-Take Joseph to his 9 month appointment (for those keeping track at home, he's 10 months on Monday. We're a bit behind)
-Go to Sam's for food for the moving crew
-Get electrician and gutter installer started on their projects
-Paint playroom/office (HUGE room)
-Wonder what I'm forgetting, because there is something else....

I've had a few people ask how I'm doing it. I think moving is the only thing keeping me from falling down out of simple exhaustion. I feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends as well as in the middle and running out of candle. I want desperately to sleep but my clock is ticking and I'm running out of time. We've had a lot of help but there's still a lot to do between now and the move. We pick up the moving truck Friday, our official move isn't until Saturday. I know my husband, though - if he has his way almost everything will be IN the truck Friday night. Everything but those things we can't lift together that is - my strength is not what it used to be and it's not going to get better between now and then.

In the midst of all this, focusing on the tasks at hand have been a good diversion in some ways. Physical labor has taken the place of overthinking in some instances. There have been a few cracks though, times when I'm not even thinking about how tired I am or how stressful things have been. Times I'm not thinking about what this year has been like or the fact that surgery looms once again, and yet suddenly I'll find myself with tears falling that I didn't even know had surfaced. I joke that after this is all over, I'm taking a mini vacation to the loony bin.

The thing is, the joke isn't even really that funny. Sometimes, a day or two in the psych ward sounds like a good idea.

With regard to the surgery - I have an appointment mid-December with a urologist. After an appointment with the surgeon who did my hysterectomy, it is thought I have the following going on:
-interstitial cystitis
-need for a bladder suspension
-possible need for reconstruction to my urethra
-"something else as well, perhaps."

Sigh.

I keep moving because I have to. I need to. But I also need to SLEEP.

2 comments:

Claire said...

Honey, you DO need to sleep. You keep going from one thing to the next, thinking "soon, this will be better and i can rest." I'm just afraid that time isn't going to come soon enough. I know you're feeling like you have no choice but to work your ass off... Just make sure when it is all done, when you're moved in and enough things are put away that you're functional - hit yourself up with something to help you sleep that is safe while nursing and hit the sack. At like 8. I'm not kidding - if sometime in the next week you don't call me to tell me how early you went to bed the night before I just might have to fly out there and duct tape you to your bed.

Mandy said...

"If sometime in the next week you don't call me to tell me how early you went to bed the night before I just might have to fly out there and duct tape you to your bed."

This, my friend, sounds like a plan. ;)