Thursday, March 13, 2008

You complete me.

My dear son,

Even as I hold you in my arms, I remember the days when you were but a dream, the figment of my very vivid imagination. For years, I waited for you, watched for you, felt you just outside the realm of my reality and wondered when we would meet during waking hours - when I could hold you close and call you mine. The first time I saw you was 10 years ago this month. I watched as your daddy taught your cousin to ride a bike for the very first time, and in a flash I saw the picture of him much older, teaching another golden boy to do the same. I once said I was suprised to see you born with blonde hair, but I always knew you would be blonde...I just thought your hair might change as your sister's did.

My son. My last baby. You are growing so fast physically and developmentally, impressing us and others with your skills. Please remember this is not a race. I promise not to stand in your way, but keep in mind you need not go so fast..there is time to be a baby. While I know you will never be so big as to keep me from wrapping my arms around you, please do try to save my back just a little bit longer.

You've brought a balance to our home I have trouble describing, not borne of just the number of hes and shes, but in your very nature. It is as if your sister is the sea and you are the shore. She is our whirlwind and you our calm, though I know the changing winds of time will serve to stir you both into chaos occasionally. For now, I hold you, breathe your sweet baby smell and let your presence calm me.

We've been through a lot, you and me, and we've yet to have a break from those times when it seems I am to prove yet again that I will fight for you. Maybe there is something in our contract that requires this, some agreement our souls made long ago that says that you are to be mine, me yours, but we must continually agree that is the case. Whatever the reason, no matter how long this pattern in our lives continues, know without any doubt that you are always worth it and I will always fight for you. My teeny little super guy.

There are those who will think (and many who already do) that you are our last baby because you are a boy so we now have a son and daughter, because of our difficulty in getting pregnant or even the complications of my pregnancy and your birth. The fact is, you are our last baby because prior to your coming I always felt you were out there waiting for us and the right time to be with us. I knew without a doubt that there was a member of our family not here. Now that you're here, our family is complete. You are the one I knew was missing and everything I had not realized was missing.

I laugh when people tell me to "just wait," that in several months time you will have a personality. I laugh because we've known that personality for some time now. You graced us with a huge smile the afternoon of the very day you were born. Your dad said something loving to you in a certain tone of voice and you grinned. It wasn't gas or a one time thing, but something you've repeated over and over when he's used that tone or when I call you "the little."

It's a few days late, but happy two months my sweet, affectionate, smiling golden boy. Everyone keeps saying you've got a huge destiny in front of you and I can't wait to see what it is, but day by day, my day at a time. There's no hurry.

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