Answer hazy. Try again.

I talked with the nurse again this afternoon, when they wanted a blood sugar update. I have to take my numbers in when I see the doctor tomorrow, which is fine. Meanwhile, she said "he doesn't want to put you on insulin, but..."

I felt my eyes well up, my tongue thicken and a definite lump form in my throat. I was determined to try not to cry as I said "I'm so close to my due date, and not that I wouldn't do anything for this baby but it seems it would be better to have the baby than start another medication now...."

She said oh yeah, he agrees with you and said himself he'd rather deliver you than put you on insulin. So then we asked, knowing he's on duty tomorrow, whether we should consider it a plan. After all, we've got a daughter to make arrangements for, Tim needs to either plan to be at work or not if possible, etc.

He didn't want to commit to that though. Instead the plan is for me to go in for my appt and a NST since baby has seemed a bit lazy today. The other problem is that dr is on call at the OTHER hospital, the one that doesn't have a level III NICU and a pedi present 24/7. While I've not been diagnosed with gestational diabetes I'm showing signs of it, and apparently that makes them worry about slower lung maturity. So, if he's going to induce he would likely want an amnio and that means going to the hospital 20 minutes away for the amnio, then back to the other hospital.

I'll do it if that's what I need to do, but we still don't know yet what he's going to say.

I've fought so long to keep this baby inside, baking, that it feels weird now for that feeling to be shifting. With the bug I never had that feeling where I thought "I JUST WANT THIS BABY OUT." I was excited to meet her, anticipating delivery, etc but never got to that point. Even now it's not a case of "I'm so uncomfortable, please relieve me" but there's a big part of me that would like to go in tomorrow dilated to 7, panting and have him say "ok let's go across the street."

*sigh*