Monday, October 6, 2008

I was bound to drop something.

In the dream, I was riding a bicycle. An older 10 speed type, with the curved handle bars, and it was too tall for me. I wobbled as I tried to ride it, a package tucked under each arm and something in my right hand. It didn't help that the gears kept missing as I tried to get into one th at would allow me to make forward progress. I knew, the way you know in dreams, I was headed toward the same place as my husband (work) but we were taking different routes. Then, as I tried to make a turn, putting my right foot down slightly to steady myself, one of the packages slipped out from under my arm.....

And I dropped my sick, sleeping son on the floor.

For the last week, his sleep has been awful and so mine has too. Saturday night I realized my throat was starting to hurt and by Sunday it was awful. I realized chances were good that my son might have been feeling sick all this time too, and when I looked in his mouth it made total sense. We're going to the doctor as soon as we can get an appt today, but in the meantime Sunday was rough.

We were in the rocking chair in his room, having both finally fallen into a deep sleep for the first time in what felt like forever, despite it being almost midnight. It was only about 30 minutes ago that he fell out of my arms.

I feel awful. He cried, but only briefly, then settled back down with no signs of major injury though of course I'll be checking on him and for signs of concussion, etc throughout the morning now. Even if we had turned a corner on sleep, that's over now, but that's my fault. Typically, I lay him down awake, and I should have tried harder not to fall asleep in the chair. Typically, I use the boppy so there would have been something between him and a fall. Tonight I was too tired to grab it. :(

I can't help thinking about the dream. It makes so much sense, it's practically transparent. Between that, how awful I feel physically, how much worse I feel about dropping him, I just can't stop crying.

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