Flash

You came in a flash of light and pain, and if you could have talked I think the words "I'm coming" and "I'm here" would have been part of the same sentence. The pain is easing, but the light just keeps getting brighter, my son, you're blinding me. I sit in awe.

Baby J, the little, was born at 10:09am, the morning after my last entry. Apparently, he found the terms I presented quite agreeable, indeed.

My husband and I had gone to bed early that night, in hopes of more rest. I mentioned to him I was afraid the current round of contractions was the sort I wouldn't be able to sleep through, and the last thing I did before I went to bed was point out our daughter was born on a Thurs, with snow expected Sunday (the day after we brought her home) . The forecast was calling for snow on Thurs.

After about 2 hours of catnapping, I found myself awake, contracting and yet again thinking "one more notch and this will likely be it." I chatted with a friend, all the while looking around the house. Camera, check. Bags in the car, check. Cell phone charging... Looking back, I think I knew that was going to be the night. I'd put the bug in her warmest pajamas before bed, restocked the diapers in her bag, etc.

Over the next couple of hours the contractions kept intensifying. They'd been 2-3 minutes apart before I'd ever gone to bed, so the only thing left to change was intensity. By 2 am I knew for sure it was the real deal, it was a matter of how long I could wait before waking my husband and daughter. I had hopes that they could sleep as long as possible, and I knew my dr came on duty at 8am. At this point I was convinced he'd be the one to deliver.

At 3, I called the dr's office to let them know we were headed to hospital soon, called my SIL to let them know we'd be bringing our daughter and woke up my husband to say "you know the part in the movies when they say they think it's time?" He bolted upright in bed and asked if my water had broken. Looking back, all I can say is Thank GOD it did not. We would not have made it. Plain and simple.

By the time we got our daughter ready and dropped off and ourselves to the hospital it was just after 4 am, the contractions were strong and I was excited. A check of my cervix showed I was 6cm, bulging bag of waters, and 90% effaced. No more false alarms.

I spent some time in the tub and a bit of time walking, but it took quite a while to get from 6-7. I'm convinced that had everything to do with wanting my dr to be the one to deliver. Everyone had said when I got there that there would be no way I'd make it to 8am. I joked "Hide and watch." Little did I know.

He got there at 8, I had done some time in the tub and was doing some walking. He said I didn't look like I was laboring hard and I made some crappy joke about making this look good. I knew the hardest work was to come.

At 9, he checked me again - that was the check where I was 7cm - so little change. We decided he'd break my water. After he did that, he wanted me to stay in bed for just a bit for monitoring, but it wasn't long after that the contractions intensified a bit more and I was standing by the bed, moaning and holding onto my husband and swaying. We decided for another round in the tub and thought for sure we'd be doing about an hour of that.

My doctor joked "No having this baby in the tub, we're not equipped for that. You have to get out before you start pushing."

I had one big contraction right before getting into the tub, got into the tub and the water felt wonderful. I had enough time to say AAH, before a huge contraction came and totally took my breath away. I changed position (to hands and knees) in hopes it would take some of the pressure off, but immediately another contraction came and my body was pushing!!

It all broke loose then. My doula asked "are you pushing??" I said yes but that I wasn't meaning to, she was getting ready to pull the cord for the nurse when the nurse walked in. There were choruses of "get out of the tub, get out of the tub" and another contraction had me pushing again.

The nurse pushed the button to get the doctor and, in her words "Some help - we're going to have a baby in here!!" as my husband and doula helped me to the bed. The doctor got there just as I did and I said "Oh god, I have to push"

He took one look and said "So push then!" with a smile.

I'd gone from 7cm to complete and pushing in 10 minutes. 10 minutes after that, the baby was out. Approximately 4 pushes in the bed and who knows how many stitches. The upside is he made me work hard, but not long. The downside is I tore from stem to stern so to speak.

Born at 37 weeks, 4 days, our little was 7 pounds 9.8 ounces and 20.5 inches long. I'm thrilled to report he is thriving. No blood sugar issues, no breathing or feeding problems, just perfect in every way. I had a few issues afterward with the dr being unable to stop the bleeding right away, lots of stitches, a clot, but nothing that was unresolved after about an hour of some serious work on my doctor's part. We left the hospital after two days, healthy and happy - with my milk in and my little buddy nursing like a champ.

One day soon, when I'm ready for the flood gates to open, I'll write more about how I'm feeling, how the emotions keep swelling with regard to this journey, my little, how amazing it feels to know our family is complete. Originally I thought I could post an update that included that too, but it's so big right now that I need to digest it a bit more. I hope you understand.

If you want to know his name, I'm happy to respond to comments with email, but I won't post it here. I've decided that I want this blog to be a little more identity safe than the last, but I've got some old friends I'm happy to share with. Just let me know.