Monday, May 17, 2004

My Dear Child

I've always thought that I'd know you were coming, even before you arrived. That I'd feel the change within myself, suddenly more nurturing, more kind. I have pictured the colors being more vivid, the scents more noticeable, all my senses heightened. I've thought that when the moment came that you were here, inside me, there would be no way I could miss it. How could I NOT feel different once you were here with me? Even though I know some women do it, I've always thought there was no way I could hold a miracle and not know it.

These many months, in preparation for you, I have paid attention to every last detail of how I have felt. Interpreting signs and signals, temperatures and tics, I have looked for that feeling that would tell me you were here. There was your brief appearance once, but now we both know that timing wasn't right.

This month, I feel differently about you. I am still eager and anticipating your arrival, but I don't feel frenzied or worried. I feel this unusual calm. Physically, I don't feel like I ever have before. I find myself protecting my body, smelling the flowers of spring and noticing how vibrant their colors are. Does this mean you're here?

I don't yet know.........but I think you're coming, that you're on your way whether it is in this month you arrive is yet to be seen. In the meantime, I'm ready, I'm waiting and I love you.

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