Friday, May 14, 2004

You will find the answer if you let it go...

I'm learning that. Slowly and surely I'm figuring out the lesson that the answers come, not always when or how we expect them, and sometimes even the lack of response is an answer.
I've been so upset at times about the fact that I didn't get pregnant right away after my honeymoon, but I've learned so much this year. I've learned things about myself, my body, my hopes and dreams. My faith has been tested and passed. I know more about who I am, what I want and how my dreams fit with my husband's.

I know now that I am surrounded by people who think I will be a great mother....that its not just that I think I will be, they are convinced of it. My cup is full to the point of overflowing, and I have begun making room for the miracle.

I believe in the miracle. I have more hopes than fears, more good than bad, more right than wrong and more love than I know what to do with.

I still worry sometimes, about what if. I still have fears. I still feel my heart pound when I think about the fact that some women, no matter how much they try or put into it......they never conceive. I'm not giving up, I'm not giving in and I'm not quitting. I believe that being a mother is one of the things I am meant to do, but it is not the only while I wait, I am committing to work on those other things and just hoping that soon, I'll be adding the care and feeding of a baby to the list of to-do's.

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