Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Scar Tissue that I Wish You Saw

(Skipping ahead to the present for a bit)

Recently, I found myself hurt and offended on behalf of someone I don't even like. As I heard the comments being made about her situation, I could feel myself growing defensive and angry on her behalf. "Don't minimize her situation," my heart yelled. I remained silent.

I didn't speak up for her because *cough* she's a dog.

My mom and sister have dogs of the same teeny, annoying, ankle biting breed. They decided to try to breed them. The first time didn't take. They blamed the younger dog and his inexperience. The second time didn't take and they laughed that "maybe they don't know how to do it." The third time they joked that maybe these two weren't meant to have babies.

Do you see where this is going?

I got more and more pissed off about the whole thing. We were talking about DOGS and I was hurt and upset on their behalf. I know dogs have emotion - I mean, they get excited when their loved ones come home. You can upset them....so what do I know about whether they have feelings attached to reproduction. I found myself wondering, just a little, if maybe the female got upset when it didn't work but assuming the male was probably just in it for sex. Then I thought "that's not fair to him." Then I thought, "shut up! We're talking about DOGS."

Then it happened.

Mom and sister were excited. The female was pregnant. They watched as her belly swelled, her teats got bigger and then....nothing. Eventually she started bleeding.

They called it a false pregnancy and that's where I think I drove my little looney cart right over the deep end.

I found myself angry, upset and defensive on behalf of this dog because what if it wasn't a 'false pregnancy?' What if they had conceived but she miscarried?

Suddenly, I found myself thinking about how incredibly frustrating it is to lose a pregnancy, a much wanted child, and have the feelings of grief and loss dismissed with words like false pregnancy. Or "nonviable" and "meant to be." So easily, others can dismiss a loss like that with suggestions that there was something wrong with the baby or that it is in some way a blessing.

I've never understood how the concept of there being something wrong with the baby was supposed to make anyone feel any better.

Clearly, (Duh) I'm projecting my own thoughts and emotions on this poor little dog and that's what's a bit funny about this whole thing. I never expressed these things I was thinking to my mom or sister, but last night I was thinking about it and mentioned it to my husband. I was in the mode of laughing at myself when I told him, so I pretty much expected him to laugh about it too.

It was actually quite nice that even though he laughed about my inner dialogue about the dog's reproductive angst, he said "and what is it with saying things like nonviable? I HATE THAT. Why can't they just say things like I'm sorry or that sucks and leave it at that?"

We'd had an argument earlier that evening that I was still steaming over a bit, but in that moment when he so clearly was on the same page as me....when he understood where I was coming from, all was forgiven.

Sometimes it's nice to show someone your scars and see theirs too.

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